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The Strange Case of Ms. Casspaw:
Three, About Mr. Casspaw:
A while back, I told you two little stories about our neighbor Ms. Casspaw. Recently, I had another opportunity to chat with her about Mr. Casspaw. It happened one evening.
Mrs. Gaffer and I were just preparing to sit down to dinner Italian style. For starters, Mrs. gaffer had prepared one of her excellent anti-pasta salads. Suddenly there was a loud ruckus outside. Without thinking, I foolishly stepped out on our front porch to see what was happening. Fortunately, the ruckus was not a direct threat to me. What I saw, however, astounded me.
I witnessed a man running wildly, with waving arms, from Ms. Casspaw's home toward a car at the curb. Perched atop his head was a large grey cat with claws dug in. There was another cat sitting in an upside down fedora on the lawn. Several other cats were about the yard, screaming and spitting. One particularly large one was at the man's heels.
As the man jumped into the car, the grey cat jumped onto the car's roof. Then, as the car started it leaped to safety on the lawn. The man's hasty retreat left long black tire marks in the street.
By then, Mrs. Gaffer was standing beside me. Several other neighbors were also out on their porches.
I remarked to Mrs. Gaffer, "I believe I counted eleven cats."
"Thirteen," she promptly corrected.
Mrs. Gaffer is like that. She is always sure of what she saw. I have learned to not debate the issue, especially when the exact detail is not important.
"That big orange and white one was not a cat though. It was a tiger," she advised.
I had notice that the one at the man's heels was rather large. I had assumed it was a tough old tom. I made no remark on Mrs. gaffer's observation. It seemed prudent to refrain from telling her that it was unlikely because tigers are not indigenous to North America.
"It's been several years," I said, "but I believe that was Mr. Casspaw we saw running and driving away."
"Of course it was," said Mrs. Gaffer.
I simply nodded.
"I don't like that man," she went on. "If the cats don't like him, he's got to be a bad-un."
Did I mention that Mrs. Gaffer is a cat person? I am not as certain as Mrs. Gaffer about the perceptual skills of cats. However, I do tend to agree with the general premise. Animals, at least pets, seem to be more sensitive to human auras or vibes. If an animal perceives a person as a threat, they may well be less that nice.
After dinner, I decided to walk over to check in on Ms. Casspaw. As usual I went through the backyard. I stepped up on the deck and tapped on the door.
Ms. Casspaw opened the door with a smile.
"How nice of you to come by, Mr Gaffer," she said. "Please come in."
I took her hand and stepped through the door. I stopped in my tracks when I saw the cat. I immediately concluded that both Mrs. Gaffer and I were wrong. It was not a cat or a tiger. I am sure I was looking at what we normally call a Bobcat. The Bobcat, I know, is Indigenous to most of the United States.
Ms. Casspaw notice my alarm and quickly reassured me.
"It's alright, Mr. Gaffer," she promised. "This is my friend, Mr. Robert."
"He's a big fellow," I whispered.
"Indeed," she agreed, "but very friendly if we respect his space."
"By all means, I will respect his space," I assured her.
I did not mention that our local laws prohibit keeping wild animals as pets. It was, after all, her business. Perhaps she was right. Mr. Robert was a friend, not a pet.
"Will Mr. Robert be staying with you?" I inquired.
"Oh, no," she replied. "Mr. Robert is a traveler. He just stopped by to visit."
I must admit I felt some relief at that disclosure.
"You're just in time," she sang. "I just mixed a fresh batch. I'm sure you will like it."
She was referring to her favorite beverage, the martini.
"Wonderful," I agreed.
"With three olives," she smiled.
To be sure, she was onto my weakness.
After she poured, I held up my glass and said, "To Mr. Snooper."
She clinked my glass with a smile. "How nice of you to remember."
We both sipped and sat down.
"I really came by to make sure you are alright," I said. "We could not help but notice the ruckus this evening."
What I said was true enough, but incomplete. I really wanted to know what in heck was going on.
"I know," she said with a blush and a smile.
"Was it Mr. Casspaw?" I inquired.
"It was he," she agreed. "He got more than he expected, I imagine."
"And, you are alright?"
"Yes, thank you, Mr. Gaffer. My friends took a hand in protecting me."
"We notice that," I laughed. "Whatever did he do to cause that?"
"As always, Mr, Gaffer, he became verbally abusive. Then he became threatening. Believe me, I felt like I was transported five years back in time. That's when Mr. Robert got annoyed and called in some of his friends."
"Good for him," I said.
She smiled at the cat happily.
"It does seem odd that Mr. Casspaw would come around after all this time," I pried.
"Oh, he had a reason," she said.
I gave her my full attention.
"You see, Mr. Gaffer. I got to thinking after Mr. Snooper passed on. There is no reason for the record to show that I am married; especially to Mr. Casspaw."
"Aha," I said. "You decide to file."
"Indeed, Mr. Gaffer, I did."
"And that caused Mr. Casspaw to show up."
"Yes," she said. "My attorney warned me of it though. I knew he would come."
I could not help but ask, "How did your attorney know that?"
"Oh, it's the money, of course. I secured a very good attorney. As soon as Mr. Casspaw's attorney saw my attorney, he guessed that I had come into some money somehow."
"Was Mr. Casspaw demanding a share?" I asked with disbelief.
"In a way," she laughed. "He said he wanted to make up."
I could not help myself. I guffawed. "My God!" I managed. "After five years?"
"After five years," she agreed.
"Of course you declined his offer," I said with a grin.
She laughed. "Indeed, Mr. Gaffer, I did. That's when He got abusive. He threatened to take the house from me. He said he had bought it and it was damn well his. That's the words he used. ‘Damn well his.'"
"I hope that won't create a problem for you," I suggested.
"I think not," she said. "The down payment and most of the house payments were made with my money, from my little inheritance. Then too, he never paid any of my costs after he left. My attorney feels that he should have."
"Your attorney seems to be astute," I remarked. "That's good."
She agreed as she refilled my glass and added three olives. We chatted on as we finished our drinks. I did not see Mr. Robert leave, but I heard him. It seems he had a tight fit getting through the kitty door. Ms. Casspaw remarked that she intended to get it replace with a doggy door. After that I felt a need to report to Mrs. Gaffer and took my leave.
The following day, I was quite surprised when two police officers showed up at our door. In our neighborhood, that is a rare event. We are a quiet bunch.
I answered the door. One of the officers did all of the talking while the other seemed content to take notes.
"Sorry to bother you, sir, but we are investigating a report of a wild animal in the neighborhood," said the speaker.
‘Oh, oh,' I thought. ‘Ms. Casspaw's in for it.'
"Really!" I managed. "What kind of wild animal?"
"We have a report that one of your neighbors is keeping a lion," he said.
"Heavens," I blurted. "A lion in our neighborhood?"
"Yes, sir."
"Who would be doing such a thing?" I asked.
"One of your neighbors. Are you conversant with Mrs. Casspaw?"
"Yes, sir, I know her. I spoke with her just last evening," I replied.
"Well, we have a report that she is harboring a large lion. The report says a mountain lion. Did you notice that?"
"No, sir," I laughed. "She has had some domestic cats, but they both died. I believe I did see anther cat there last evening, but I have never seen anything which looked like a lion at her house."
"Have you ever seen a mountain lion, sir?"
"Only in the Detroit zoo, thank goodness."
The officer smiled. "I just had to make sure that you would recognize a lion," he explained. "I know it sounds silly, but we're just following up a complaint."
"Believe me, officer. If I had seen a lion at Ms. Casspaw's house, I would have called you myself."
The officer laughed. "I'm sure you would have," he grinned.
"Whoever made such a weird complaint," I asked.
"Seems like her estranged husband did it."
I did my best all knowing, head tilted, eyes looking wise, could-a-told-ya nod.
"Aaaah, ha," I said. "It figures."
The cop just grinned.
"I suppose you fellows have to waste a lot of time on silliness like that. Like you didn't have enough to do investigating real crime."
The office nodded sadly. "You know it," he said.
His partner shook his head and put his notebook away.
"Sorry to bother you, sir," said the talker. "Thanks for the help."
"Anytime," I smiled. "Oh; and by the way you can count on me." I continued with a sly smile. "If any mountain lions show up, I'll be sure to call you."
The officers walked away grinning and shaking their heads.
After the policemen left, I slipped thought the back yard to apprise Ms. Casspaw of what had transpired. She was ahead of me. She had seen the officers and guessed their purpose. Mr. Robert was no where about and Ms. Casspaw assured me that all was well. I of course, reported back to Mrs. Gaffer.
"That Mr. Casspaw is one big fool to mess around with a tiger," she said. "Especially Ms. Casspaw's tiger."
I just smiled and retired to my office.
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