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Grandkids and Stuff:
A Dialog by the Gaffer:
June 14, 2004:

I consider myself lucky. I have two nice offsprings and neither one of them has ever been in jail or done drugs. My son is not married and probably never will be. He is what we sometimes call a confirmed bachelor. Not so, my daughter. Her life is a juggling act between student counseling at Michigan State University and her home, husband, and kids.

Because of her, we already had two lovely granddaughters. I was as happy as a grandpa could be. Both of the kids are healthy and they laugh more than they frown. In fact, they hardly ever frown. Who could want more, but nature is bountiful. A while back we had a stunning announcement. We would be presented with two more granddaughters. Two for the price of one, twins. Not just twins, but twin girls. Oh boy!

So, the births came and things went well. Then we made the obligatory announcement. The response was predictable.

People mean well, but they say silly things like, "I bet you are really proud Grandparents, eh?"
What would they say if I replied, "Well no, actually we're ashamed of those two little buggers. They look just like skinned rats for God's sake."

Have you noticed how we say some phrases like God's sake.
God's sake is two words but that's not how we say it. We say Godsake. Someday, if we keep it up, that will become just one word like Godsend.

Back to my grandkids.
I think all newborns look like skinned rats when they come out. Fortunately, they don't remain that way. In a very short time, they begin to look like unique humans and begin to develop unique personalities. This uniqueness always seems amazing to me.

Again, people say silly things. "She sure has her mother's eyes," or "You can tell she's a Wagner," or "She's just like her grandma."
It's bologna. Sometimes there is some resemblance, but the predominant characteristic is uniqueness and that is just so grand. I think the uniqueness is what we should encourage. Each child is super special in their own way.

Well, fine for the kids, but what about my poor son-in-law?
It's five to one now. There are five women and one man in that house.
That poor bugger!
Frightening, simply frightening.
With my son-in-law alone in that house with five women, he ain't got a chance.
This will become a must do priority item on my task list.
For the man who has five women in his house and no other men, we have to very carefully think about and design the perfect hidey-hole for him.
I'll have to go out this spring and help him build that hidey-hole somewhere, perhaps in a corner of his garage. It's got to have a few essential features.

First, there must be a comfortable place to sit for long periods of time. I feel a swivel chair or recliner of some kind would do.

Surely there must be a decent supply of beer and a way of keeping it cool. This could be a very efficient cooler, but a refrigerator would be better.

With all of that beverage, another essential comes to mind. No one can hold their water forever. There must be provision for bladder relief. A toilet would be ideal for that of course. It's just something to be decided in the design phase.

I suspect he could get along without a cigar for a long time, but why should he? So, an exhaust fan becomes a priority item. There need be no special place to store cigars. For the short term a refrigerator works nicely to keep them fresh.

Another thing, summer is short in Michigan. Hence, a small heater is a must. The ideal one would be electric so as to not require regular refueling.

For long exiles there should be a source of entertainment depending on his preferences. Books will do for some. A TV is a must for others. For some folks a window looking out on a copse of trees or brush would be sufficient.

Finally, a source of light is essential and a door with an inside lock.

I think that about does it for the general plan. Detail design will depend of the local conditions, but will stem from this preliminary plan. When I think about this, I wonder if I should not build one here just for practice. Maybe it would be handy when I get careless and annoy Mr's Gaffer. Who knows?
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