An Audience with Booboo: Back
to Gaffer's Archives.
Since I wrote The Gaffer's Shorts, a few people have asked me
about the talking cat Booboo. Some have also offered questions
for Booboo. I finally got an audience and here are the answers
Booboo provided.
What is the nature of a miracle, Booboo?
There is no such thing as a miracle. The word has no cosmic meaning.
It's just our temporal way of putting a handle on something we
don't understand.
Is learning difficult?
Only if you cannot shut up and listen.
What is an amulet?
An amulet is nothing more than a souffle which failed the final
exam.
How has the world come to so much grief, Booboo?
Ninety percent of the grief in the world is caused by attorneys
and bible thumpers. The rest is accidental.
When will the universe end, Booboo?
Just before it begins.
Which is true, the big bang or the steady state theory?
Neither. The universe you perceive is nothing more than an eddy
in the stream.
What is the biggest problem with our modern civilization?
It continuously interferes with natural selection.
What can we do about crime?
Abstain.
What can we do about criminals, Booboo?
Restrain them without anger or vengeance.
Can't we rehabilitate criminals?
We do not have the necessary tools.
What is the nature of crime?
Crime is simply a primitive response to some difficult life situation.
Like despair, anger, or frustration?
Yes. Those, plus greed, lust, and gas pains.
Is honesty really the best policy?
In the long term it is.
How long is the long term?
Longer than you can stand it.
Do you like Tabby Treats?
I prefer live rabbits. They wiggle so nice.
Booboo, what is a philosopher?
A Philosopher is simply one who is too old and frail to be a linebacker
and not clever enough to be a coach.
We hear of God and Ram and Allah and The Great Spirit. How
many Divinities are there?
There is one divinity with many faces. She shows us these many
faces simply to satisfy our cultural stupidity.
Will there be life after Windows?
Yes. It will be called Gateswater.
Is it good to be wealthy?
No! The thoughtful deposition of the Divinity's wealth is an overwhelming
responsibility. Most who lust after wealth cannot manage it.
How should we approach prayer?
Without petition, expectation, or booze.
Can we find relief in prayer, Booboo?
Yes! Prayer can bring great relief, but not as much as a ripping
fart.
What then should we seek from prayer?
I usually ask for Tabby Treats.
Tabby Treats, Booboo?
Yes! I know better than to ask for live rabbits.
Are you being facetious?
Are you being serious?
Seriously, Booboo, what should we seek from prayer?
Communion and a warm fuzzy. Nothing more.
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