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My Cabinet:
I can't help but notice that the President elect is establishing
his upcoming administration. It's about all there is in the news
lately. The reports are all about his major cabinet appointments.
These are the folks who will act as his advisors and major departmental
directors. All of this made me wonder about the process and how
people are selected. I thought about how I would deal with a task
of such great importance. I thought it through and made my own
list from those people which I know about.
For Secretary of State, we must have a person who can show an elegant, dignified, and thoughtful American persona to the world. This must also be someone who can command the attention of important people and influence them. I know of no one better equipped for that task than, Drew Carey.
The Secretary of the Treasury is a very important job. Although it has a lot to do with money, the department is also in charge of many other things, like customs and the secret service. All things considered, I think we should have a hard headed, thoughtful person in this chair. I must nominate Goldie Hawn.
The Department of Defense is responsible for the military integrity of our entire country. For this task, I must go with a person who really knows how to cover his rear end. I nominate the very clever Oliver North.
For Attorney General we need a person who understands how to make American law work. Who would know this better than a man who has made it work for some famous and notorious clients. I select F. Lee Bailey.
For the Interior, I can only pick that person who really knows her way around the inside, Ms. Monica Lewinski.
For Secretary of Agriculture, we need a person who understands how to deal with farm issues. As a person who has dealt successfully with agricultural issues in Texas, I think Ophra Winfrey stands out.
For Commerce I think we should have a person who understands business; a man who has been giving us the business for many years. I am compelled to go with the well respected William Gates.
For Secretary of Labor, I would suggest my sister Eunice. She has had five children. If anyone has experience in the issues of labor, it is her.
For Health and Human Services, we must have a person with great compassion. I can think of no one better qualified than that model of caring and compassion, Donald Trump.
As to my choice for HUD, there is no contest. Who knows more about housing, homemaking ,and all of those related issues than the personable Martha Stewart.
For Secretary of Transportation I want to go with someone who really knows how to get around. I can think of no better candidate than that notorious travel coordinator and junketeer, Representative Don Young.
Our Secretary of Energy can only be a person who has exuded personal energy over his entire life. Who else, but Tony Bennett?
Our Secretary of Education must have the best interest of our nation's children and educational system always in mind. This must be someone who truly cares about children. Mrs. Gaffer, who understands these things better than I, has nominated Bill Cosby.
For Veterans Affairs, I want to have a person who has had first
hand experience as a successful veteran, a man who has gone to
great lengths to tell us about his noble war record, over and
over again. No one could object to the honorable John McCain.
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