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About Mr. Gore:
My good friend X. X. Anonymous, a my party right or wrong, certified
Republican, who asked to be unnamed, has criticized me about my
alleged attacks on his boy Bush. He contends that my recent essay,
"Another Sprint at the White House," is an unfair, thinly
disguised caricature of good old George. Just for perspective,
this is a person who would not vote Democratic if God was running
on that ticket.
I kind of understand, because I was like that once. I pretended to be an independent and, at each election, I would search the ballot for some democrat who was running for an office which didn't matter, like dog catcher. Then I would vote for him and pretend I was an independent. I would vote the rest of the ballot Republican. Of course, that was before I knew about Nuke-em-Newt, Hog-Wallow-Helms, and Slippery-Hyde. These days, I would really like to be an independent. I'm just not sure what to be independent of. The whole mess stinks on both sides of the aisle.
I asked my friend if he would like to write a rebuttal to my essay. He declined. To bad. I don't criticize him for that. To write for public consumption requires a very thick hide. If he were to write a rebuttal, I would not let him get away with being unnamed. Then I thought about writing a rebuttal for him. This little piece is about as close as I could come.
My friend is not the only critic. Other people have asked me why I pick on Bush. First of all, I deny that. I don't pick on anyone in particular. I'm very unbiased. I despise all politicians equally. Still, people ask me why I don't caricature Gore in the same way that I do Bush. Why don't I attack Gore? While, I neither admit or deny the notion that I have caricatured Bush, my answer is quite simple. I have tried to think of a way to make fun of Gore, but nothing comes to me.
Now, why can't I caricature Mr Gore? Let's look at the word, caricature.
Caricature:
a: A representation, especially pictorial or literary, in which
the subject's distinctive features or peculiarities are deliberately
exaggerated to produce a comic or grotesque effect. b. The art
of creating such representations.
Now look at Mr. Gore.
Okay, how do you exaggerate Cream-of-Wheat? Where are the distinctive features? How do you produce a comic or grotesque effect? How do you become more bland than Cream-of-Wheat? Even if you add a little maple flavoring, it's still goo. There is nothing to attack. Attacking Gore is like attacking mashed potatoes. That's with an e. There is no substance to it. What do you ridicule?
I suppose I could take another sprint at the White House and say, Whatever that other guy is doing, Me too! But, make no mistake, mine is a different me too than his. I'm a lot more me too than he is.
Heck, I'm for motherhood and fatherhood and vanilla ice cream and good clean little children and education. Why not?
I'm for smaller classrooms too, and the National Anthem and lower taxes and a chicken in every pot. There is nothing good that I'm not for. If the people are for it, I'm for it.
In addition, I'm my own man. I admire Mrs. Clinton, but she
has no control over me. Neither does Monica. And, while I like
Bill as a person, I expect to be my own man in the White House
too. I plan to be a president of all the people and I'll be as
neutral as I must be to achieve that goal. You can bet, when I
take a position, it will be after I know how the voters feel.
You'll never find me out on a limb. No sir!
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