Back to Gaffer's Archives.
An interview with Doctor Sprocket:
I had promise to talk about alternative schools this week, but another item came up. Alternative schools will have to be deferred. Just recently, I was fortunate enough to obtain an interview with that notorious expert on child rearing, Dr. Lous Sprocket. He was kind enough to allow me to make notes as he answered my questions. Here are his answers to the vital questions of raising children in our modern culture.
Gaffer: Dr. Sprocket, what do you see as the most important principle in child rearing? What is the first thing you would tell a parent?
Sprocket: Try not to kill der kit!
Gaffer: Try not to kill the kid! Are you serious?
Sprocket: Yah! You bet. Dat's der ting I hear most uff all from der papas und der mamas. "I'm gonna kill dat ****** kit!"
Gaffer: You hear this when they first come to you for help?
Sprocket: Yah! Virst ting dey say. "I'm gonna kill dat kit!"
Gaffer: Why is that? What brings the relationship to such a state?
Sprocket: You, don't got any kits, do you?
Gaffer: How can you tell?
Sprocket: I tell from der dumb qvestion. You got to underztand dat der kits are pretty mean and tricky little guys. Dey shifty like all git oud! Dey vork der papas und der mamas like Verlitzers.
Gaffer: The children manipulate their parents?
Sprocket: Yah, in spades! Dey tvist der vords und dey play der game vitt der papas und der mamas.
Gaffer: What causes them to do that?
Sprocket: Tell you der trut, I tink day're born dat vay.
Gaffer: I can't believe my ears. Are you saying that kids are born bad?
Sprocket: Nod bad! Youst clever und tricky. Smard like little foxzes.
Gaffer: Would you say, then, that children will always try to outsmart their parents?
Sprocket: Now you got id!
Gaffer: How can a parent deal with this?
Sprocket: Learn der kits languache.
Gaffer: Are you saying that children have a different language than their parents?
Sprocket: Now, I know you don't got no kits!
Gaffer, laughing: I guess that makes sense. I can see that communication would be difficult, if you don't understand the nuances of another persons language.
Sprocket: Yah, id's harder for dem to trick you if you know how der kits tink und talk. Den you talk der languache.
Gaffer: That's an important point Dr. Sprocket. Most of the parents I talk with complain that they just can't talk to their kids. Besides language, are there any other keys to good communication with children?
Sprocket: Vell, Id depends un der age of der kid, of courze, but, ad most ages, id is important to virst get der kids attention.
Gaffer: I see, and how do we get that attention? Are there techniques which you find effective?
Sprocket: Yah, I can tell you aboud vun case vhere der kid youst vould not talk to der fadder, und he go into his room und youst slam der door, real hard. Vell, dat fadder solved der problem. He youst kick down der door und shout at der kid. "I guezz, you'll never slam dat door again."
Gaffer: Did that really help?
Sprocket: No, bud id made der papa veel goot.
Gaffer: I guess that's something. Is there a better way to deal with a situation like that?
Sprocket: Yah, youst leave der kit alone.
Gaffer: Just give up?
Sprocket: Nein! Not give up. Youst wait.
Gaffer: Let the kid cool down.
Sprocket: Yah, und get hungry. Den he lizten to reason.
Gaffer: That sounds like blackmail.
Sprocket: Yah! It's how der vorld vorks. Dey may as vell learn young. Ve call id deals vhen ve do id und blackmail vhen der udder guys do id.
Gaffer: That seems cynical. Can't we avoid those situations to start with?
Sprocket: Sure! Youst do vhat you do. Don't have no kits.
Gaffer: But, some people want children. What can they do?
Sprocket: Bevore dey have der kits, learn to argue like Socrates. Den dey be prepared. Der kits won't trick dem zo easy. Shoe is on der udder foot.
Gaffer: Are you saying that the parents should learn to manipulate their children to be in control?
Sprocket: Yah, you bet. Id's gonna be one way or der udder.
Gaffer: Either we control the children of the children control us?
Sprocket: Id's der vay der vorld vorks. Been dat vay since Adam und Eve. Zomebody gonna be in charge. Bedder uz dan dem.
Gaffer: Well, thank you Dr. Sprocket. Is has been a most enlightening interview.
Sprocket: Sure, anytime.
Back to Gaffer's Archives.
|
|
|
|