Diagnosis and Health Back
to Gaffer's Archives.
Recent developments in science and drug testing show us we can
learn anything at all about a person's physical condition through
analysis of external components like hair. We don't need invasive
techniques. We don't need blood. I envision a future where every
home will be able to maintain a health profile on each resident
simply through analysis of the waste products of that person.
Imagine this. A person walks into the bathroom, does his duty,
keys in his name and flushes. The toilet does the rest. It whirs
and gurgles and analyzes and produces a readout for the person.
It probably would be a positive report, like "No pathologies
or abnormal conditions noted." Of course it could be a serious
instruction, like "There are indications of abnormal heart
activity. Please sit down and be calm. An ambulance is on the
way." Or it could be less alarming, like "There are
indications of abnormally high carcinogens and fat. Lay off the
Burger Beers for a while." Or, perhaps, "Take two aspirin
and a sleeping pill. Get a good nights sleep and flush me in the
morning."
I suspect many will say, "This could never happen. It would
cost too much." I believe one of the problems with all these
health insurance programs is we rarely see the bills. Next time
your doctor orders a simple CBC and Chemistry Profile, instead
of fretting about the needle, ask him how much it will cost. Don't
accept, "It doesn't matter. The insurance will pay for it."
Insist on knowing. Then consider that almost all doctor office
visits will be eliminated and all routine diagnostic tests will
be eliminated. Also consider that the equipment I envision would
be mass produced. Pretty much all tools used in medicine now are
practically handmade and very expensive. Also consider the cost
savings of catching problems before they require major intervention.
I believe it will happen.
We will have diagnostic toilets in the future and they will be
computer controlled. Think of it. The toilet will have a little
"Intel Inside" logo on one side and a "Windows
Compliant" logo on the other side. Of course, for fair competition
and to create compatibility problems, we will need another version
called the Macintush.
The road warriors could carry a little cartridge containing their
profile so they could plug it in wherever they go. For them we
could even have big multi-stalled, multitasking, public facilities.
Admission - six bits. They would be done up all in blue, of course.
We could call them the Big Blue Committee Rooms. All road warriors
would feel at home in these rooms. They could sit around and study
flow charts.
What a future!
Back to Gaffer's Archives.