Keeping Women in Line Back to Gaffer's Archives.
Do you like the title of this piece? It's only purpose is to get you torqued.
Mrs. Gaffer is angry about the facilities for women in public places. The anger is justified. In fact, because of the way we are built, it takes a woman six to ten times as long to do a simple number one as it does a man. While a woman must practically undress, a man can merely zip and flip. Yet, when we check the installation, we find that there are usually more facilities for men than there are for women. Bummer!
Mrs. Gaffer says zip and flip is gross. Actually, it's convenient. A man may walk into a men's restroom and go zip - flip - wizz - flip and zip. Of course, he damn well better get that in the right order. Embarrassment and pain could otherwise result.
Mrs Gaffer and I have noticed this lack of respect for women's different physical structures everywhere. I have seen it at the Silverdome in Pontiac and at the Music Hall in Detroit. It's a problem because the stupid architects did not design in enough facilities for women. They just never took into account that women drink just as much as men but they need to essentially undress to urinate.
Since it takes a woman from six to ten times as long to pee as it does a man, some modern women have dropped their modesty and grabbed the bull by the horn, so to speak. They simply get in line with the men. Unfortunately unisex just don't work for us older guys. Seeing a woman in the men's restroom causes an immediate hardware malfunction for older fellas.
Picture it. Here is this poor old guy, much like me, who was
brought up in the puritan ethic. He's standing there by the trough
trying to pee knowing that a woman is watching him from the stall
behind him. You know he can't pee under those circumstances. In
fact, he was so traumatized, he was never able to pee again. He
had to be catheterized once per day until he learned to do it
by himself. Then one day he got shipwrecked and lost his catheter.
Mercifully enough he finally exploded. All for want of decent
facilities for women.
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