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Montezuma's Revenge V052:
By Willie Gaffer:
August 7, 2006:
Mrs. Gaffer is a very helpful person. Whenever I have a problem, she is right there, able to explain to me, in detail, exactly what I did to cause it. So there!
My most recent problem was a severe attack of Montezuma's revenge. I'll explain that further on, but for now, it's another name for dysentery. The attack came upon me suddenly one day. Sure enough, Mrs. Gaffer explained that it was caused by my sampling a batch of raw (fermenting) wine I was making. I do make wine from kits because it is better wine and much less expensive that the wine I used to buy in wine stores. It is not very demanding of my time either. It takes about 5 hours total time to make 2 cases of very good wine. The wine making process takes much longer, but my involvement is minimal.
Well, I do know a bit about wine making and I explained to Mrs. Gaffer about wine yeast. It is very delicate and temperatures above 80 deg. will kill it. Mrs. Gaffer, not to be deterred, put a hand on my forehead and said it was too close to call. I am used to her bad jokes at my expense and I did not lose my cool at all. I just gave my obligatory snort which I substitute for laughter in situations like that.
As to my problem, the first cure I tried was Imodium AD. I think the AD stands for almost dead. Anyway, it is what my doctor once recommended. It worked while I was taking it, but the problem came back as soon as I stopped. That was no help, because one just cannot take stuff like that forever.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Gaffer, being an RN, had considered my problem more seriously. She explained what she called a BRAT diet to me. It consists of a diet of ripe bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast. It is given to babies who have diarrhea. The name is derived from the first letters of the four ingredients. Mrs. Gaffer reasoned, if it worked for little babies it might work for a big baby. I still kept my cool and tried a modified BRAT diet. I substituted apples for applesauce and Triskuits for toast. It too worked as long as I did it, but how long can one stand a diet like that? I stood it for 2 days. That was not enough. The problem returned.
After a time of distress I tried another solution, the one that almost worked. It was two days on Imodium followed by two days of a modified BRATT diet. I added green tea to get to the BRATT diet. After two days of that I gradually added other mild things one day at a time. After 7 days of that kind of dreadful dieting I was convinced the problem was gone. I went back to normal food and the problem came back.
By then I was getting annoyed so I went to my doctor. I will not detail our discussion or the things he required of me. I was just happy he did not subject me to the indignity of a sigmoidal exam. He ended up putting me on two antibiotic drugs that he said were guaranteed to deal with any foreign bacteria who had invaded my digestive system. So I went on this regime of pills for 14 days which required absolute abstinence from alcohol for the full time plus three days following.
By the end of the two weeks, my problem had gone away. Perhaps the problem would have gone away anyway. Perhaps abstinence was all that was required. Perhaps Mrs. Gaffer was right and I had an internal fermentation problem which alcohol reenforced. I will never know. However, if this problem should ever occur again, I will be a lot more patient. I will for sure eschew the Dreadful Diet and I will wait a lot longer before I consult my doctor. I will eschew alcohol for a couple of weeks and give nature a big chance.
I believe everything that happens has an up side. The salutary effect of Montezuma's Revenge, the Dreadful Diet, and the dreadful pills caused a modest weigh loss. I suspect when it all shakes out and my system stabilizes I will have lost six or seven pounds. That makes my exercises somewhat easier. I did continue my regular program during this problem. Illness is usually not a reason for not exercising, but an excuse. The problem is, when the excuse is gone you are left facing a steep starting over ramp. Better to keep the edge, even if it's difficult.
Okay, what about the name, Montezuma's revenge? The origin is rather vague, but it turns out Montezuma was a real person. In fact there may have been two guys by that name. We have little information about Montezuma I, except for a damaged sculpture. We know Montezuma II was the Emperor of the Aztec Empire when that Spaniard, Hernando Cortés arrived in Central America The Aztec Empire was based in what is now Mexico, with its capital at Tenochtitlán, the current site of Mexico City. Montezuma II took the throne in 1502 and the Spaniards arrived in 1519.That was a long time ago. At that time, Spain was a world power.
Now, Montezuma II was captured by Cortés who had conned Montezuma into thinking he was the Aztec God Huitzilopochtli. Cortés then ruled the empire using Montezuma as a front man. For sure, it was not long (1520) before Montezuma was killed, either by the Spaniards or his own people. Like most political intrigues, the final days of Montezuma are clouded in mystery. However, so much for Montezuma.
In the times when Tenochtitlán was the capital of the Aztecs, there was a causeway between the city and Chapultepec hill which overlooked the city. The hill was a retreat for the Emperors. When the Spanish colonized Mexico, the Viceroys built a palace on the hill and subsequently destroyed the existing structures. Later an even a larger palace was built on the site. That was in 1784. The situation changed in 1833 when Mexico won it's independence from Spain. At that time the old palace became a military academy.
That was fine until 1835 when the Texas Revolution exploded. At that time American settlers in Texas fought off Mexican troops and finally declared their independence in 1836. Texas became a, more or less, independent country. After that it was nip and tuck with the Texans constantly defending themselves against Mexican troops. Most school kids learned about one such battle that took place at Alamo where a handful of heros fought to their deaths against Santa Anna and his overwhelming forces. In 1845, to save Texas so the story goes, the United States annexed the Texas territory, but that did not end it.
Santa Anna got a bit perturbed and invade Texas on April 25, 1846 attacking General Zachary Taylor and his force while they were guarding the border. The US declared war immediately thereafter in May 1846. Taylor promptly invaded Mexico and the fight was on. Taylor took on the dictator General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna. This was the same Santa Anna who had cleaned house at the Alamo and there was a score to settle.
Other fights erupted with Mexico in Santa Fe and in California. America was taking on Mexico big time. To make a long story short, the United States Marines took the hill castle at Chapultepec which commanded the western approach to Mexico City. Without the defending castle the city became easy pickings and the Marines raised the American flag on September 14, 1847. The war was essentially over. The cost to Mexico was staggering. In the peace treaty at Guadalupe Hidalgo, Mexico handed over almost all of California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Utah. They also recognized the Rio Grande as the border between Texas and Mexico. The U.S. paid Mexico $15 million for the land and took over claims of American citizens against Mexico for property seized by that government. A darn good deal for America. A disaster for Mexico.
So the phrase in the Marine Hymn, "From the Halls of Montezuma," refers to the battle for Chapultepec Castle on Chapultepec Hill. Another name for this castle was the Halls of Montezuma. Now you can guess the origin of the phrase Montezuma's Revenge. There are many other names for this malady. Some Mexicans like to call it the Gringo Gallop. Traveler's distress is a more polite common name for it.
This disease is actually caused by drinking unsterilized water or contaminated food. The real culprit is the enterotoxigenic E. coli bacterium. This little guy produces a toxin that causes all of those unpleasant symptoms we have all experienced but do not describe in polite company. We just grin and leave the room suddenly.
The bottom line is, remember the immigrant scenario. This guy
who picks your fresh produce, whether in California, Texas, or
Mexico is most likely immune to this malady. He probably carries
it in his system all the time. He handles your food and, with
those same hands, he also handles his toilet tissue or whatever
he substitutes for toilet tissue. He also does not follow the
same sanitation rules that the clerk at your grocery store must
follow. So, whenever you buy produce, wherever you do it, always
remember the immigrant scenario. Unless you grew it yourself,
never trust to luck or you may suffer the effects of the immigrant
scenario. I believe that's what happened to me. I bought some
Jalapeno peppers at a local market. I love them. I was anxious
to try them and I did. I also was a bit careless about how I washed
them. The result was an inevitable but fortunately mild case of
Montezuma's revenge. Sigh.
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