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Gaffer Variety:
She Sure Showed Me! V058:
By Willie Gaffer:
September 18, 2006:

This is the update of the ongoing saga with my old adversary, Terri Lynn Land the Michigan Secretary of State (SOS) and her Assistant Secretary of State (ASS), Mary Bonner. It is the story of how I did not get my notifications for license renewal again. In a previous essay "Revenue Cops" in my Variety series I discussed what happened when I did not get my renewal notice the first time. The response to that came from the ASS and I wrote about that in "The Imperial We" in my Variety series. This continuation is a rather convoluted story and may be difficult to follow. Nevertheless, I must lay it out. The punch line is in the last few lines and, once again, the joke is on me.

After the first time, I marked my calendar for the renewal date so they could not set me up again. Sure enough, when the time came last month, there was no notification from the state. That was in spite of the fact that I had gone to the local office of SOS and asked them to correct my mailing address. They had assured me it was done and I would get my notification. I was sure I was being set up again. It turned out I was right. I suspect these people have a basement full of returned documents that could not be delivered because they screwed up the address. Maybe they get so many that they just shred them at the end of every day.

I was wrong about one thing. At first I was convinced the ASS was involved in the prevention of my getting notified. That proved to be a misjudgment on my part. I doubt that she could manage a conspiracy like that. I am sure now it was just the general incompetence of a carelessly run bureaucracy which caused the bungling. I was wrong about another thing too. In my "Revenue Cops" essay I made the case that the SOS office in Grand Blanc, MI was more competent than the one in Trenton, MI. Wrong again, Gaffer!

The truth is, the people in the Grand Blanc office are more polite and perky than the people in Trenton, but they are just as incompetent. It's just that they have a better manager. We don=t have to guess why the people in the Trenton office were surly. Mary Bonner is their district manger. People who work for a crappy manager may not be able to articulate it, but they know duplicity when they encounter it. Everyone does. So the saga continues.

On August 27, 2006, I called my twin brother. He got his renewal forms about a week before. I just wanted to make sure he did not take a shot that was meant for me. With siblings, that can happen frequently. With twins it is even more likely. I remember one time vividly, in our stint in the United States Army where he was punished for something I allegedly did. This incident stands out because it was so patently unfair to my brother. Of course, that was an act of reprisal by a two-bit cowardly corporal who had acquired a bit of power. We expect things like that in the military culture. In this case however, my brother was in the clear.

On 8/29/2006, a few days before my licenses expired we went to the Grand Blank office of the SOS to renew my license plates and my driver"s license. Mrs. Gaffer always goes with me because she knows I tend to alienate people by pointing out the truth. For some reason, she can point out the truth without causing that kind of reaction. I got my license plates renewed okay because the local office can issue those directly. That is not true of the driver's license. For some reason that has to go through the Lansing bureaucracy.

So the woman at the office filled out the forms and took our money, but I got no driver's license. At that time she gave me a temporary permit. She told us I would get a new license in the mail in three or four weeks. She assured me that the correct mailing address was in the computer and the license would be mailed to the correct address. I am sure that was not true but I could not get her to understand that. They had the address in the computer alright, but it did not print out because it was on the wrong line. We tried several times to point the discrepancy out to her, all to no avail. Unless you are JC, there is no way you can make blind people see or stupid people smart.

These people just don"t get it because they are not properly trained or supervised. The people who should be their mentors and leaders are just power players in a corrupt system. Most of the good things the previous SOS, Candice Miller, did have been now undone. Land has decreed that the voter registration address and the driver"s licenses address be the same. Then the people in her branch offices refuse to get it right. They won"t change it. What we have here is studied stupidity caused by mental laziness. Mental laziness is the most pervasive disease in America.

After being frustrated in the local office I went on line to try to change the address. Of course I was not allowed to do it. In fact, I was not allowed to do anything. There are so many qualifiers and conditions that the customer service part of the site is useless. As I said Land has regressed the office of the SOS to the good old BM (before Miller) days. In the BM world, you had to go to the SOS office and stand in line to do anything at all. In the BM days we counted on losing at least one day just to get a license plate.

After being frustrated on line I tried to think of what to do. I had one more shot because the SOS website did have a change of address form. I could download that and fill it out and hope. After filling out the form, I did a bit more than hope. I begged. I sent the following letter along with the filled out form.

 

Willie Gaffer
P O Box xxx
Ortonville, MI 48462

 

Dear Person who reads this:

Please fix my mailing address so I can get the things you mail to me. I have tried several times to get the people in the Grand Blanc office to change my address to the PO Box. Every time I have asked they say, "It's already in the computer." Of course it is, but it is entered on the wrong line.

What you have in the computer is:

Willie Gaffer
xxxx Myroad RD PO Box xxx
Ortonville, MI 48462

When that is printed the printer prints:

Willie Gaffer

xxxx Myroad RD
Ortonville, MI 48462

The people at the Grand Blank office printed my address 5 times on 3 different forms and the PO Box was not there. They simply refused to notice the dichotomy between what they said is on the computer and what was actually printed. I could not get them to put the PO Box on a separate line so it would not be dropped when it was printed. Please put my PO Box on a separate line like this:

Willie Gaffer
PO Box xxx
xxxx Myroad RD
Ortonville, MI 48462

If you do that, the address will print correctly and I will get my driver's license and forms when you mail them. The way it is now, the USPS will return whatever you mail to me marked "No mail receptacle" or "No such address."

I have been trying for over a year to get this fixed. Please help me!

 

Willie Gaffer:

To my utter amazement, that worked. Somewhere in the huge bureaucracy resides a human being with a mind who thinks and understands. I was overjoyed when my driver's license actually arrived in an envelope with my correct mailing address. If I knew how to thank that person, I sure would.

Now I can get to the joke. After my experience with the SOS staff I realized a person who would empower people like the assistant SOS should not have the power to do so. Land has no right to occupy a high office in the great state of Michigan. I knew what to do about that. I decided to offer my experiences as fodder for the campaign of her opponent. The joke is on me. Her opponent is out of it.

Not only could I not find a SOS opponent, I had difficulty finding the dumbocratic party of Michigan. When I finally found a place I could send a query too, I did so and they waited five days to respond to me. Then all they gave me was a yahoo email address. This opponent, whoever he or she is, has no website and is using a free email service. Right on dumbocrats. No wonder you cannot win at the poles. You are totally disorganized. Duh!
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