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February 23, 2004:
Qualifications:
Unfortunately, the most qualified democrat I know about is not
running for president. That is George Stephanopoulos. He is no
doubt more knowledgeable, more intelligent, and for sure more
thoughtful and less obnoxious that the rest. None of the others
seem thoughtful at all. Of course, on the other hand, we don't
know how he would behave if he were running for president. It
does seem to change people.
Iraq:
It turns out that some of our troops who are bound for Iraq are
making their own armor for their vehicles. Now there is some
question as to whether the army will let them protect themselves.
They may not be allowed to take the armor with them. Sounds like
the same army I was in, in Korea. Not much has changed over the
years.
Passion:
I see the media is now saying Gibson's film is controversial.
It's hard to believe that an entire group of people could put
their tongues so far into their cheek. Of course, the media people
manage it on a daily basis. The truth is, Gibson's film was just
another biblical religious flick until the media, with their
not too subtle innuendos and references, turned it into an antisemitic
pseudo issue. I'm sure Gibson doesn't mind. The turnstiles will
rotate rapidly and the cash will flow in.
Taxes:
It seems the IRS and the Pentagon have cooperated to wink at
tax fraud by several Pentagon contractors. Estimates are that
the cost to American tax payers will be in the billions. Makes
me wish I were a government contractor.
Lately, I don't like the news I am seeing so I'll make up
some of my own.
National debt:
The administration was surprised and delighted when several government
contractors admitted bilking the government for several years
and returned the money. It was a windfall for sure, being enough
money to pay off the national debt all at once.
Congress:
In a quick move to restore the national debt, the congress is
preparing to pass the biggest spending bill in the history of
the world. There will be billions of dollars for homespun projects
in every state. One unnamed senator was heard to say, "What
the hell. We don't got no debt so we may as well blow a big wad.
It's our best chance to buy reelection ever. Duh."
The Administration:
The president was shocked and dismayed when two high ranking
members of his administration came to the oval office and confessed
to conflicts of interest. They both broke out in tears as they
tendered their resignations. Unable to restrain himself, the
president broke down and cried with them.
The Campaign:
Whoopi Goldberg stunned the political pundits when she announced
for president on the WASP (We Are Swell People) ticket. The democrats
and in particular the Kerry campaign are in a panic. One senior
aid said, "Suddenly, Kerry isn't funny anymore. How can
he compete with her. She will derail the party and take most
of the votes."
Bush's aid, Rice was even more emphatic. "That woman
is a real threat," she said. "How can we attack a woman
who is intelligent, honest, and funny? Sure, George is funny
sometimes, but not in that way. If she runs for president, George
is doomed."
Olive Branch:
The White House was surprised last week when an invitation was
received from Osama Bin Laden. He invited our president to a
reconciliation dinner to be held in a cave in Afghanistan. ‘It
was all a mistake,' said the invitation. ‘Please come and
make peace.' One aid declared, "We better be careful about
this. It may be a trick, Duh."
Football:
In a surprise move, the mayor of Detroit asked the NFL to assign
the upcoming Super Bowl to some other city. "We just don't
have the services or infrastructure to handle it," he lamented.
"We would be even more embarrasses that the last time we
hosted it."
Nadar:
No one was surprised when Ralph announced for president on the
UCD (Under Cut Democrats) ticket. Democrats are concerned, but
pundits predict he will only garner 127 votes, from the Ustabe
Society of America whose leadership endorsed Nadar.
Same Sex:
Members of the media were stunned to come upon Jeb and John holding
hands and standing in the San Francisco queue to receive their
marriage license. "We decided to come out of the closet,"
declared Jeb. "We have had a long and romantic relationship.
It's kind of natural you know. We both hate all the same things.
You know, things like privacy, freedom of speech, civil rights,
flowers, laughter, the bill of rights. You know, all those anti-American
things."
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