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March 15, 2004:
Offsite Backup:
I saw a really compelling reason for offsite backup on channel
12 local news recently. It seems a building in Mount Pleasant,
Michigan was gutted by fire. One of the occupants of that building
was a real estate company that lost 40 years worth of records.
It seems, most of their stuff was still on paper. All of that
paper could have been scanned into a computer and put on CDs.
40 years worth of that, even for real estate papers scanned as
graphics, would probably have fit on a couple of dozen CDs. Two
dozen CDs would fit in a kid's lunch box and could be stored
forever offsite. At two bits a pop for blank CDs, there could
be two or three sets of them.
Iraq's New Constitution:
With the signing of that constitution, the criminals who operate
there will be revealed for what they are. They are not political
protesters or warriors fighting for a cause. They are just savage
criminals with no redeeming virtues.
The Truth:
If the United States had started mobilizing for defense, something
we should have done right after 9-11, the economy would be rolling
right along now and George would be invincible. We would have
to spend money to mobilize and that money would be out there
multiplying and growing the economy. It has happened every time
we have mobilized. It also happened when FDR primed the pump
with works projects. Does anyone remember the WPA? The only thing
we would want to do in mobilizing is make sure the crooks, cronies,
and thugs don't get most of the money on no bid contracts.
Mohammed:
The oldest of the two Washington snipers is going to die. The
judge decided to let the jury's recommendation stand. I am not
in favor of murder. It makes us too much like them, but, in this
case, I have no grounds to argue for clemency. However, revenge
is not sweet. It's ugly, and soul damaging. There is no fulfillment
in it. So why babble about trying this guy again in another jurisdiction?
How many times can you kill a man?
War on Terrorism:
The media says people are giving George good marks for the war
on terrorism. Not in my book! The rabble are so easy, they don't
see the obvious. George did a poor job in Afghanistan where the
terrorists were. They are still there. In Iraq, where there were
no terrorists, he did another poor job by creating a power vacuum
where the terrorists could move in, and they did. I guess so
long a George gets to define what a terrorist is he will do a
good job. What fools these mortals be!
Madrid:
More terrorism. A lot of bombs. 200 dead people so far. 1400
Injured so far.
More makeitup and laughitoff.
I'm sick of the real news. Everything below here is at least
partly made up.
A New Cereal:
I am planing to market a new breakfast food that causes day long
erections. It's not called Special K, it's called Special Play.
Warning: Keep this out of the reach of children, especially boys.
The Holy Church of the Fruits:
They have finally convicted this fruit of being an Anglican Bishop
in drag. After that, there was nothing to do but ordain him.
The rumor is, to avoid temptation, his sentence will be to give
communion only to women.
Ashcroft:
The surgeons opened him up with the intent of replacing his heart,
but they could not find one, so they decided to remove his gallbladder
while they were in the neighborhood. One surgeon said, "What
the heck. If he lived this long without one, we better not put
one in. It might confuse him." It is rumored that Ashcroft
will not be release from the hospital until he signs a confession
admitting he is a heartless man.
Arrested Principal:
In a stunning action, the State of Michigan which had been demanding
high MEAP scores from school students reversed itself. A Principal
of a local grade school was arrested because his students scored
too high on the test. He is accused of cheating. Said the principal,
"What did the governor tell us? I thought that was the point.
Teach the kids how to pass no matter what."
No Need:
I finally figured out I don't have to watch the nightly news
with Peter Jennings anymore. It finally clicked. The local channel
12 news people watch it for me and report it the next day as
their own news. What a swell service!
Registered Nurse:
Mrs' Gaffer has been retired for several years but she still
studies and maintains her Nursing license. She wants to be prepared.
She figures, the way our country is going she may be called upon
to serve. Gord forbid! Anyway she received a letter the other
day from a headhunter firm. She is being recruited. I read the
letter. It offered her a $15,000 signing bonus and all moving
expenses to sign up at a hospital in the Baltimore area.
I also read between the lines. Here is what the letter really
said. We are profoundly sorry and we deeply apologize for driving
so many RNs out of the profession. We confess that we treated
nurse like kaka and we have discovered that was a mistake. Now,
no one even wants to become a nurse. That is why we are recruiting
any nurse who can still walk regardless of age. We are begging
you to come back. Please! Please! Please! We promise not to treat
you like kaka again for at least two or three years.
Hockey:
In a quick and stern action the NHL suspended the notorious forward
Buster Blindside after he severed the head of opponent Morrie
Antoinette with a sharpened hockey stick. Morrie is not expected
to live. Said the commissioner, "Buster will be out for
at least five games. We have to be tough about this. We can't
let the action of this forward go unchecked."
Echoshine and Viacrap:
The bullies were fighting and all the kid on the block were sad
because they could not see their favorite twaddle on the boob
tube. Mothers were especially distraught upon losing their mind
numbing babysitter. They were in terror of having to talk to
their kids. Now it's all okay again. The bullies have made up
and the flow of garbage will continue. The march of dumb kids
inc. continues. Mothers can go back to their pass times.
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